As Chinese tanks entered Canberra yesterday and ended the war of liberation of Australia from bourgeois British and American oppression, the former Prime Minister of Australia broadcast a surrender to our new Chinese Communist masters in what President Hu Jintao praised as “flawless, idiomatic Mandarin.”
Rudd's linguistic and diplomatic skills were put to a stern test as he negotiated the terms of the surrender, and he drew on his grasp of Chinese history and culture to insist on certain terms that would otherwise not have been secured. For example, Australia's political class will not be executed as the Chinese negotiators initially demanded, but merely imprisoned in remote facilities in the Outback where they will work and be re-educated. Additionally, slave labourers tasked with extracting Australian mineral wealth for the benefit of the Middle Country's glorious industrial development will only work 16 hour days, negotiated down from 18 by Rudd, a staunch advocate of workers rights and industrial relations reform.
All glory to the Revolution! All glory to our new Chinese protectors! All glory to Kevin Rudd, governor of the Australian Special Economic Zone!